Wynlynn’s Reflections 2

How could I have acted so recklessly? I nearly died, put my companions in trouble, and endangered my mission. What an idiot I was…

When Lia was forced to run I had two choices, go back to the city and live my life, rising up in the ranks of the Verdant Guard in the footsteps of my father and be everything that was expected of me, or follow her. It wasn’t a difficult decision. I would follow her and do everything I could to help her, to protect her. She was of course not interested in me following her. She told me to leave many times, once or twice she even lashed out physically to try and force me to stop following her. I gave her space but I was never far. After a while we settled into our new strange companionship, one determined to follow the other who wanted nothing to do with them. For a while she settled with ignoring me. Over the three years since then the tension as eased slightly with the healing that only time can provide, but those first days and weeks of travel with Lia were difficult. This is almost harder in some ways. Back then I knew I would never be forgiven and there was no expectation for anything other than that look of anger and hurt in her eyes. Now, I don’t know. When she was charmed by the succubus was she really thinking of me? I can still feel where she touched my check that night, a contact so intimate that for a moment it felt like everything was like it was before, when the world was perfect, when I had Lia and she had me, before it all went wrong. But then her hand dropped and where it had been felt so cold. She walked away and I was left there wondering what it all meant. Was I supposed to go back to following her and ignoring whatever feelings had been stirred up by the whole encounter? As if it never happened? After Lia leaves me burning with embers of a fire not quite out? That was only two days ago and yet it simultaneously feels like seconds ago and centuries ago all at the same time. 

The focus and discipline that left me when the succubus and Lia disappeared has not seemed to return to me. I feel distracted, and something else I have never felt before. I think it must be restlessness. I was always content to simply do what needed to be done. As a child I did as I was told, pleased my parents, pleased my teachers. As a gaurdsman I completed trainings, I completed missions. As Lia’s protector I followed her and watched her back. You do what needs to be done and there is no need for anything else. But suddenly I feel restless, like it is not enough to follow along with my companions, travel where we need to travel, explore where we need to explore, fight when we need to fight. It is strange. That has never not been enough.  I am likely to make mistakes in this distracted state of mine. Over the past two nights as we camp I have tried to meditate; when we are moving during the day I have tried to concentrate on our travels. Nothing seems to shake me from this state. I don’t know how to gain my focus back. So here I am in the elven ruins feeling restless. When I would normally stay with the group and think strategy for how to accomplish the task at hand and keep us all safe, I find myself instead wandering off alone exploring various hallways. Val follows me. I am not sure what she is thinking. Has all this impacted her the way it has me, or is that just wishful thinking? Perhaps it was just a momentary lapse in judgment and she is content to go back to the way things have been for the past year or so. As we wander, she is the one who suggests we head back to the rest of the party. It’s strange, normally I would be the one to suggest we not wander so far from the group.

We get back just in time follow the group down a hidden stairwell they found. Upon finding a large circular plate with colored lights and pipes leading down from a bowl in the middle that seems to be ready for some sort of liquid, Travis declares that he is going to head back out to collect the silver liquid that is about two miles outside the ruins and off he goes without another word. It is discussed that he should not go alone and Lia decides to go with him. Normally I would probably go where she goes, but it doesn’t seem a dangerous journey and perhaps being away from her for a short while will help me clear my mind. Instead, my restless energies have me wondering down a red glowing hallway away from the rest of the group. I don’t see much of interest here. 

Then I hear it. A voice. A voice telling me of a task I must complete. I could not describe to you what it sounded like, or even exactly what it said but it is very clear to me that the task given to me by the voice is of the utmost importance. I must get each of the colored liquids and bring them to the bowl in the center of the colored plate. Perhaps I was so ready for something to distract me from my strange state that I threw myself into the mission given to me with blind determination. Not that there is any reason to making excuses for stupidity no matter what state I was in.

It was easy to obtain the red liquid in the next room over. I foolishly thought they would all be that easy. As I existed the red hallway and prepared to go up the orange hallway to obtain the next vial I heard Agenar scream in pain. I hate to admit it, but for half a second I wondered if I should continue on my path. But of course that would have been a stupid and unnecessary course of action. My companion needed me and the sound had come from the green hallway which surely contained one of the liquids which I needed to complete my mission. I headed for the sound. As I peered down the green hallway Skeletons were surrounding Agenar’s unconscious body. Our party (or at least those of us that were there) quickly got to work, the routine of battle all too familiar to us. Me and Pantaghion found ourselves surrounded but working together we quickly took out those nearest us. I did seem strange to me that one of them kept apologizing to us as the battle went on, and also seemed surprised that we fought back, asking why we were attacking them. But still they attacked, so despite the protest we did the only thing we could. Fight back. The group worked together to take out the skeletons one at a time while Tilia also got to work healing Agenar, bringing him back to consciousness. As the battled died down, the enemy defeated I quickly went back to the task at hand. I rushed up the hallway, eager to get the second of five liquids. I figured that, with the skeletons gone, this task would be quick and easy.

Agenar saw me get the liquid but, as I learned later, that is what he had done to start the fight with the skeletons in the first place so he had no reason to question the action other than perhaps the zeal and determination with which I went about it, not knowing, of course, how important my mission was. As I gathered the green liquid in a vial the skeletons started to reform around us. Me and Agenar quickly rushed out, closing the door to the green hallway and closing the skeletons in. With two of the three liquids in tow, I urged myself on, rushing past my companions and into the yellow room. For some reason Tilia tried to entangle me, but I easily side stepped it rushing into the room. I thought, if I could get in and out quickly enough, we could avoid any difficulties. I thought, worse case scenario, we would have to fight a few more skeletons. How stupid I was. Not only was I very much not quick enough, but it was not skeletons guarding this liquid. Instead, I found myself quickly surrounded by 3 ghasts with three more off to the side and before I could even raise my swords I was hit and paralyzed. My companions rushed in the room to help, but then the world went black… 

When I came to, I was drenched in water, I assume Teal’s doing, and laying by the door to the yellow room. I am sure I was healed somewhat by one of my companions but I don’t know which. Without a word Pantaghion grabbed me and rushed me out the door. My companions quickly got to work closing and trying to bar the door. It had no lock so Tilia held it herself against the onslaught of pushing, the ghasts slamming themselves against it from the other side. Pantaghion’s new shovel was wedged into the ground in front of the door as a door stop. It seemed to hold but we didn’t wait long to find out, rushing up the stairs away from this place. As we left I heard the voice again, reminding me of the importance of my mission and the rewards that would come with its completion.

Back in the area with the fountains, I can feel Tilia glaring at me. It hurts to feel the anger of one I care about so much, especially one who is so slow to anger. I suppose I should be getting used to hurting the ones I love, I seem to be getting good at it. I was so stupid putting myself, my companions, and my mission at risk. What would my commanders back in the guard have thought of such reckless behavior? What would my father have said? I can’t believe I let my emotions from the last few days get me so far off track. It is time to get back to thinking like a soldier. I cannot jeopardize my party or my mission with such recklessness again. I must step back and make a plan:

• It is clear that my mission is a dangerous one and that I cannot do it alone. I will need the help of my companions in order to complete it. I cannot be so foolish as to rush off on my own again.
• The others will not understand how important this task is. If I tell them they will only be suspicious and then it will be near impossible to get their help, so I must do this without telling them.
• I have screwed up so badly, they will not be very willing to listen to my ideas right now. If I push too hard they will become more suspicious and less trusting of me. That will make it even harder to do what needs to be done. I need to take a back seat for a little while until tensions smooth over.
• As far as getting back to underground tunnels of colored light, I believe that Travis or Val will likely encourage the party to go back there without me having to say anything. Val does not like the feeling of leaving something undone and the whole reason we came here in the first place was to help Travis discover more about his past. Surely with the glowing crystal in his chest and recognition of the person that the statue was made to resemble, he feels close to some knowledge about himself and where he came from. If I am lucky, I will not have to say anything about going back after we are rested and healed up. They will convince the party to continue exploring and I will be able to finish my task with their unknowing help.

I have a plan. I feel the calm that comes with strategizing for a mission. I feel more like myself again. I feel calm and focused on the task at hand but this time patient. I will do it right. It is good to have a mission and such an important one at that. I feel badly keeping it from my companions, truly I do, but they will surely understand afterwards. When we are well reward I know some will consider that a good enough reason to have been kept in the dark, and the other will hopefully see how important it was and understand why I could not tell them. I am ready, and this time I will not mess it up.