Wynlynn’s Reflections 1

(Written in collaboration with Val)

I was trained to be a guardsman from a very young age. I was taught to control my emotions. To stay calm and collected in battle. All that seemed to go out the window when she disappeared. The world stopped. All sound, all thought stopped. I don’t think I breathed. She was just gone and for that moment nothing made sense, and nothing mattered…

Then the world started again. I knew where the succubus had gone and most likely Lia with her. They were so close, just outside. If I were relying on my training I would have paused and assessed the situation. What state were my companions in? If I rush out to fight would they be behind me backing me up? Regroup, then re engage. But I wasn’t relying on my training. I was fueled by something else. Something that didn’t let me stop. In that moment it didn’t matter what the state of the rest of my companions were in, it didn’t matter what I was rushing into it, all that mattered was getting to Lia. I rushed out without a second thought.

As I went up the stairs, the sunlight was bright. It took my eyes a moment to adjust. And then I saw her, lying on the ground, looking lifeless. I wanted to go to her and at the same time I wanted to kill the thing that did this to her. The feeling was so strong. I shot off an arrow. My mark was far away and had the forest for cover, but I did not miss. As my arrow hit, the succubus turned towards me, she called to me, but her pull did nothing. I was too focused on one and only one thing. Killing the creature that had done this to Lia. I shot off another arrow and again struck my target. I would have run after her, tracked her down, and killed her, or died trying, but at that moment Lia opened her eyes. The drive to kill that I had felt moments before was gone, washed away in relief. Without think I leaned down and kissed her, and the world came back into focus. Everything was okay. Lia was okay.

The rest of the day was spent wandering around the dwarven built underground chambers. The others were interested in the history, something about the tomb of three elves that had lived long ago. I went through the motions, searched around, found gold, found more chambers, but my mind was elsewhere, wondering what Lia was thinking. I needed to talk to her. Needed to hear her tell me what was going on in her head right now. It was hard to focus on anything else but that need. But I waited. It would be hard to talk to her alone down here as we explore the underground chambers, with everyone else wandering around, voices echoing through hallways. Instead I waited till night, when we made camp. I made sure to be on the same watch as Lia. Second watch, right in the middle of the night when everyone else would hopefully be deep asleep.

They didn’t have to wake me up when it was time for me to go on watch, I was already awake. I had hardly slept; I was too busy thinking. Think about what I would say, what she would say. The other, who had taken first watch, settled down to sleep. It seemed like forever waiting for their breathing to slow telling me that they were finally asleep. I tried to force myself to wait a little longer. It felt like hours, but I am sure I only waited minutes. Finally, I built up the courage to speak.

“Val–” I stopped myself, remembering it was just the two of us now. “–I mean, Lia.”

Our eyes met, a mutual understanding passing between us when I said her real name.

“I am sorry, about the kiss. I know I shouldn’t have, but when you disappeared like that, I thought I had lost you. When you were okay, I was so relieved I didn’t think. I know we haven’t kissed since before… since before, and I know you can’t forgive me for what I did. I just wanted you to know that I understand. That things haven’t changed between us.”

A part of me wanted to say, ‘I understand, if things haven’t changed between us,’ but I can’t let myself hope like that.

Lia looked at me with an unreadable expression, her eyes glittering in the darkness. She searched my face for something– what, I don’t know– then she let out a shaky breath, her words spoken so softly, like they were made just for me. “Ula…”

My heart skipped a beat when she lifted her hand to cradle my cheek, her calloused hands rubbing against the skin at my jaw. “Do you know… even when the Succubus had me in her spell, even when I thought I was going to die, there was only one thing I wanted to do…”

I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “What?” I breathed out.

“I wanted to come back to you.” She gave me a small smile.

“Really?” I couldn’t believe Lia was speaking to me like this. It all felt like a dream. “What are you saying? What does that mean? For us I mean.”

“I’m not–” She looked away and swallowed hard, dropping her hand from my face. I ached from the loss of contact. “I can’t be who you want me to be. Don’t make me… not now. Not yet.”

And with that, she got up and walked away, towards the edge of the camp. More than anything I wanted to follow, to demand that she talk to me now, that she gives me more than not yet! But I can’t do that. If there is one thing I can give her, it is that at least. I will wait. With a small hope starting to build inside me. I will wait…